At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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