My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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