dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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