She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
