No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
