Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
