i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
