Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
