Swine flu. Run for my life!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
barbara walters just said penis...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
