My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
