I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
