I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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