I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
