So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
