worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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