Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
