I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
