he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
