And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
