Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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