I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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