I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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