we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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