They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
