I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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