Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
