You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just found a bag of teeth...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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