new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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