went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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