This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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