Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize