it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's like a pop up book from hell.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
