I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
