Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
