I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
