I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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