the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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