Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
