Tell her she can't have a vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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