I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
