i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
