How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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