my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!