my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it