halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight