pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
