It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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