I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
