everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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