I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
