what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
