you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
