If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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