I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
