You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
