1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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