I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
