Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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