Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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