walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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