i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she looked like the before picture.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
