Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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