Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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