I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
