I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We have started to decorate penises.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
