I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
