; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
