highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
