i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
