Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
