Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
