Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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