at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
