i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
