I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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