The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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