One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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