my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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