I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
