Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
